My cell

I really and badly miss my cell. It was a black Nokia 3110, a gift from my Uncle. It was perhaps the first gift he gave me and the stupid girl I am; I lost it.. :(
This is not the first time either. I lost four cells before this, in a short period of four years. But not one of them was as dear to me as this one. It was so cute and was so much a part of me. I am jinxed with cells, I am sure now. Hope this jinx gets removed asap
Bye bye

Hiya!

What did u think the title meant? A greeting? Well, u are not far from the truth. It was a greeting; for a battle. You know, the kind u see in action movies with the "Lee" khandan ;)
So, about today's topic, hehe, it is gonna be a movie I watched some days back: "When Harry met Sally". This was supposed to be a cool romantic comedy that would tickle you. But then you see, I never bothered to get it from someone or even download it because it is an old movie. I tried seeing it once 2 years ago and stopped without a second thought because:
1) the print was bad
2) too too old settings
But it is true that you grow up with time :p I did and finally could enjoy the movie :)
It is about this couple of strangers (everyone is a stranger at one point or another, dont u think?) who meet immediately after college and drive a long way to New York. I do not remember the name of the actor who played Harry; but Sally was Meg Ryan. The guy is a complete jerk, in contrast with the typical cool, handsome and chivalrous prince a girl dreams of. A complete ass who thinks that he is deep just because he thinks about death; duh! (then I would be a real deep person too. The best thing that could happen to me is dying asap without pain and I waste a lot of time fantasising that :D )
Our dear Sally and Harry part ways in NY to meet again in 6 years. Here again he manages to drive her insanely angry just by being his charming self. She shakes him off. They both get involved with other people at different levels of involvement; he gets married and she goes for a live in relationship. They meet four years later to find themselves single again. They become friends, lovers, enemies and then spice (the plural for spouse)
The movie has one of the best proposal lines: "When you realize that you want to spend the rest of your lives with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible"
So long..

Narnia

Ok, so I was reading this article about Narnia online. About the series Chronicles of Narnia which is better known as a movie series than a book series. But u know what, reading the criticisms actually made me angry. Why, for instance do people have to prod into a book and extract meanings out of things that the author never meant a meaning in! Why should Lewis be a woman-hater just because he chose to throw Susan out of Narnia which is kind of an "equals to" heaven.
Hey that is a new thought in itself, is it not? I started writing today with the intention of defending Lewis. But now when I think again, why is Susan excluded? Is it only because she had grown up and gotten interested in the opposite sex and the instruments meant to attract them? Does this not somehow resemble Eve's plight when she is turned out of heaven because she discovered knowledge. Maybe it is parallel, you know. Susan 'discovered' that she is a woman she also realised that there are things called as 'lipstick' or 'theaters' and this knowledge might have led to her doom. So is Aslan being judgemental?!?
Now when I think again, even my dad has the same kind of thougt. He does not like it that my sister is involved with things like 'shopping' or 'beauty salons' or obscure terms like 'manicure and pedicure' ;)
Coming back to Susan, I would like to conclude by sayng that she was thrown out of Narnia; not because of her so-called newly gained knowledge, but because of the loss of her belief. She did not believe in Narnia anymore. Nor did she believe in Aslan. Think again, arent we all the same? When we grow up, do we not lose belief in things that we could only easily believe in when we were kids.. They say that it is when we stop believing that we stop hearing the sledge bell (quote from "The Polar Express")

What do you think is the most beautiful thing on earth? I am sure that the millions and millions of people who form the mankind would come up with a variety of very different answers. But think again, do you not think that hope is a very important thing? One very beautiful phenomenon that kept the world going during times both good and bad. And when ultimately your hope in a thing goes, you start hoping that you are at the verge of discovering something better and more suited for you.
Try applying this theory to your life. To your work, your family life or your love life..You will presently see that hope is the one thing that remains predominant. You break up with your girl friend and you cannot move on; try to fall in love again. Try to speak to your girlfriend again after you fall in love again; you will see that it becomes easier. Hope teaches us to move forward and also to heal ourselves
Happy Hoping to All :)

My P.S

I did say one very wise thing today, that self pity is a very dangerous thing. And dangerous it is because it lowers ur self-esteem, it makes you vulnerable and ultimately leads you to depression. I have this habit of spending a lot of my time in getting depressed ;) And seriously, it all begins with self-pity. That I am not funny, that I am not attractive, that I am not good company and like so many other things. Seriously ya, combine jealousy and self pity and u have a very very dangerous combination. A combination that could kill, or worse, make others want to murder you.
I ahve this folder in my PC which I have named "P.S". What it actually means is "Personal Space" and it has a lot of crap. The worst crap I can think of. But now, as I think, it could be "Pathetic Self", could it not? :P I mean after all what I usually do there is whine ;D
Now that I think, I dread going to class now. Have to meet a lot of people, talk to them, see them ignore me, ignore a few of them and ultimately come back tired as if I was in a war. It is a war for me, out there. A war of minds, of how much you think they can control you and of how much you can control them. The one who can control the most wins, if he knows that he is the winner that it. Which essentially means that even if all of ur enemies fall, you would not be victorious if you did not know that they were your enemies, would it? So confusing, I tell you ;p
Another of my best friends got a girl friend. He seems happy with her and I am happy for him. Well, basically because he was missing the 1 to 1 attention and it was too conspicious. The girl is good, the guy is...(I dont know how to define him!!) And I hope that they end up spending at least a year together. Aah, I guess I should go to sleep now. Will write a review for "When Harry met Sally" tomorrow. Or maybe the next time I feel like writing
Till then.. :)

Me to Myself

Well long time since I wrote last. Was yearning to write as I was sitting in class today. Not that the class was boring; but my fingers were just hurting as they were no where near my laptop. Wanted to scribble in my "Vent Out". I always decide that I will ask V as to how one can find blogs by one particular person. But then always end up forgetting. Hope I remember the next time
So, the biggest thing that happened in the last 10 days was that I was proposed by a girl. This is one instance that had me traumatized for a few days. Well, basically coz I am a female myself. Maybe it was just a joke for her. But I was seriously shit-scared. And it feels bad that I am avoiding her. Not that I want to, but that I just cannot be comfortable with her around :(
I guess this is the first time I am writing something this personal in this blog. Not that I never wanted to before this. But now I am kind of confident that no one reads my blog and that has me happy, pathetic, ain't it? ;)
I also realized one more thing, that I am a really boring person. That I am boring company :p
So much for my pathos. Hope I am in a sunnier mood when I come the next time
ciao!

My Diary

I surprise myself, tickle myself and ultimately laugh at myself :D Anything that I have written on the lines of a diary is simply hilarious; to me. It could just be pathetic to others who might get a chance to read it because mostly I write about stuff that I did not get or that I want and cannot get. There are things starting from academic success to a great figure (ideally size zero; hihi) and also about the many guys that I have wanted or liked and I never got.
So I was wondering, what if my friend V got to see my blog. That is of course assuming that he hasn't already. Would he just laugh at me, as to how silly I am or would he be assured that I have lost my screws somewhere in the Universitiy's jungles?
The other day I got into talking with a friend about Mr.A. The way we had spent time. It got me wondering if he is not my soul mate (yes, I still believe in trash like that ;p ). Is it very much possible, with the way we interacted; not that you would know.
Oh and I heard another very very interesting theory; that soul mates are not two halves that come together, but they are two fulls that come together; rub against each other, bounce against each other and sometimes even collide. And know what, this interaction that takes place between them is love. I love that theory. But then again, it is not practical, is it? ;D

Define..

Ok, let me start by asking a question. What do you think is the most difficult thing to do in day to day life? Studying? Household chores? Shopping?
I found something infinitely harder than all of these things; defining ur own emotions. Ur emotions towards others who maybe your friends or enemies. Relatives or complete strangers. Mostly, we have a set of emotions that we are supposed to feel at times. Something like you are supposed to feel a maternal feeling if you are a lady who is 22-25 and you see a baby. But is it all that simple? What lies behind admiration, anger, love etc.? Let us just say anger. Why on earth would I be angry at a person who does not matter to me? That I do not care about? There is this class mate of mine who has no friend from class. She speakes to me and I reply. I even speak to her at times which drives most of the others in my class (who are my friends) crazy. I was just wondering, could it be that they want to be acknowledged by her that they are angry when she speakes to someone else? Maybe they just need acknowledgment.. Maybe the lack of that is what is driving them crazy. Maybe, just maybe they admire her secretly ;p

Before Sunrise

Saw this movie today, before sunrise. It was very different. I take pride in the fact that I am not ordinary; that I am a little weird. Sounds weird, does it not ;)
So, I was watching this movie and I was reminded strongly of a person, my favorite person on planet Earth; me :D A couple meet on a train. They are traveling across Europe and the guy had to get down in Vienna. He invites the girl also to get down with him and she does. Which was an oddity in itself because they had just met on the train and had talked for just a little more than an hour. Most people would find it unnatural in itself. Surprisingly, I did not. Basically because I had always dreamed of doing it myself :)
They hang around, have fun and kiss. They part with a promise to meet each other in 6 months time; at the same place. I am guessing that it did not happen. I am guessing because they did not show if they did or not.
Have just mailed my best friend about this movie. DId not give her such a detailed review. Just recommended the movie to her. Wonder if she'll watch it or not :?

Gladiator

Was wondering when my next post would be. Found the perfect topic. One of the very few movies I have seen countless times and would like too see again and again; Gladiator :)
Saw the movie for the first time when I was at home. Kept watching it over and over. My father was almost as hooked to the movie as myself. There was where I found my perfect homeland. The place where he reaches at last; with his beautiful wife and so cute son waiting for him. Maybe heroes do not need heroines; maybe all that they need are normal human beings like me who would tie them down to the earth, show them the normal world where they can live their normal lives :)
The one dialogue I loved the best was "....father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife.." And also loved the way they were not portraying the Princess as a bad woman for having loved him and for being loved by him. After all it was natural, was it not;worshiping and loving a great man..

Mind reading

I really don't know how much of the term mind reading is true. Is it possible to read another person's mind or heart completely? The reason I got into this line of thought is that my room mate asked me if I was bothered by something. It was very very much on time that she asked that particular question. Because I am not at peace right now. A very complicated thing that I am in the midst of takes away all my mental peace.
We have been room mates for more than 3 years now, and have seen each other almost every day. Would that enable her to read the hormonal changes, the emotional changes and the mental changes in me? Would that help me "read" her?
Truth is I haven't really tried to understand this crackpot lady. She is almost as mental as I myself am; which is saying a lot. But I can very well understand when my nearest ones are angry with me and why. Maybe that is not all that uncommon, but my hunches are seldom wrong.
Even when it comes to boy friends, I can almost perfectly assess the reasons behind almost every change in his mood and almost every of his actions.
So is this "mind reading" or a simple exercise some of us can effectively give the brain? Is there anything supernatural involved in it?

Rain

I have the habit of going out on walks. I love to walk in the evening. After the dusk is the ideal time, but then after dusk is a little dangerous.
So I went out on my walk today and got caught up in a rain. Our campus is quite big and it is a pleasure to take a walk if u have an mp3 or an i pod. I had just my cell and my i-pod with me.
So I got caught up in this rain which seemed never ending. As a matter of fact, I am really not sure when it ended.
I also have this habit of guessing the age of rains. My dad and me, we played this game this summer. This particular rain looked like a woman in her 30s with a lot of ambitions. But I had this feeling that she was tied down by something or someone. She would just gush up and fall fast. Then again there were the temper tantrums :D
Enough about this rain
Will tell u the story of another when I come next

Thursday

Why do I get irritated by people so soon! And why do I have this kind of mood swings.. Posting something online may not be safe. But I do it with the intention of telling some other person like me; "Look, u are not alone"
It is a dreadful feeling, being lonely. Once I attended a counseling held by my school authorities before the 10th Board Exams. There is one line that struck me then and stays in my mind "Lonely is when u r in a crowd, in the midst of ur friends and u still feel a lingering pain on being alone in this world". Wonder how many people feel that. I have, many times. The world is a cruel place as it is. All the competition and race leaves u breathless and that is when your best friend feels like ditching you. Or worse, punch u in the stomach. The pain of the hurt in the heart would be much much more than the physical pain.
My nearest friend was supposed to meet me online today. She is not here yet. Chances are that she has conveniently forgotten about our chat-date. After all, she is busy with her boy friend and stuff

Later unknown stranger..

I wish I could run away. Just run, run and run. As fast as I can and as far. I really am no good for the society. I am not talking about the “I am not good for the society” rubbish. I don’t care. It is just that this society is suffocating me. It is just stifling. All the stupid rules and regulations and all the bloody boring ideas of etiquette.
I have had enough of the people around me. I wish I could just disappear for good and never come back. Maybe just step into another dimension. Wish that was possible. And when I step into the other dimension, all m 22 years worth memories should be erased both from my mind and other’s.
Would that be possible? Don’t think so. All I can do is imagine and have fun with my imaginations. I dot even wish for the ‘pleasures of the flesh’ as they term it. Maybe I do, but I haven’t found the Mr. Right yet. Don’t you think that sex is better done with the guy u know is right for you? Well, God knows! Or whatever!!
My Kitty Cat is looking at me amusedly ;) Ah she even shakes her ears. Maybe she’ll answer all the multitude of questions I have, some day..

Thesis

I was thinking of the possible topics for my MA dissertation. I am interested in a comparitive study between the Nair society and the Matrilineal society in olden Japan. Have no idea to what extent I can draw parallels. Got inspired while listening to my senior in a seminar.
What I am really and truly interested in is the marumakkathayam system. But I am not really sure if a parallel existed in Japan.
I started reading on the matriarchal system in Japan and Kerala and it was a real result less work. Maybe because I just started reading.. Hope I can see the light in the near future

What do people prefer to do on a rainy day when there is no electricity? Have always wondered and found no answers. I personally would love to read a book with a cup of nice hot coffee with me.
But what if that gets boring?
What if you find that you cannot find a nice book, or worse, coffee!

Just a warning to thee wanderer who dares to cross into my blog; you'll find a lot of jottings in here. And on a lot of unconnected topics too. So for those who'd ever stumble across into my blog; please expect all the order and reason you might find in a railway station. A railway station because there you find hordes of people coming and going.
Aah anyway, ciao :)